Efrat, Israel – Efrat, Israel -- What is the difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism? How can we teach people to re-order their priorities - and do it in a way that our message will be heard and acted upon?

Interestingly enough, we have much to learn concerning these issues from a Gentile sage, Moses' father-in-law, Yitro. And Yitro's lessons are so important that it is no accident that the portion which recounts the revelation of the Decalogue bears his name.

The portion opens with the fact that "Yitro, Sheik of Midian, had heard about all that G-d had done for Moses and his people Israel when he brought Israel out of Egypt." He travels to see his son-in-law. But Yitro is not coming alone. He brings with him Moses' wife, Ziporah, who had been sent home earlier, and 'her' two sons, Gershom and Eliezer, whose very names suggest that Moses had initially been a stranger in a strange land (Midian) and had been saved from Pharaoh's sword when he had been helped by G-d and supported by Ziporah. The message which Yitro sends ahead to Moses is that he is on his way "with YOUR wife and HER two sons". [Exodus 18:1-6]

Clearly, Yitro's main goal is to re-establish the family relationship and bring Moses together again with his wife and children. It is worthwhile for him to do so, because he understands that Moses is now a great leader in the eyes of G-d as well as the world at large. He senses that he must be subtle in his understandable anger; after all, Ziporah took Moses in when he was an unknown fugitive and hardly deserves to be cast aside now that her husband has achieved world recognition as the great emancipator and defeater of the Egyptian hosts. Moreover, the two boys ought not remain 'her' sons and not 'his' sons! But all this is communicated gently and only "between the lines and words" of the text. Yitro understands that he must first carefully hear Moses’ concerns and watch Moses’ lifestyle; only then would he be able to craft the proper argument on his daughter’s behalf.

Hence the priest of Midian first listens to Moses' account of the miracles, and becomes so moved that he brings offerings and sacrifices to G-d; he also cleverly positions himself on Moses' side.

And the next day he observes. Yitro finds Moses involved in serving as judge to the nation, a one-man Supreme as well as Small Claims Court. All day long people line up and wait for the opportunity to listen to his judgment.

Something is not quite right. Moses may have engineered the greatest exodus in recorded history, enabling an entire nation of slaves exiting from their masters as free individuals. Nevertheless a major logistical problem now confronts Moses. One person, no matter how capable, cannot possibly assume the sole responsibility of adjudicating for an entire nation.

Since there are only 24 hours in a day, the lines outside Moses' tent keep getting longer and longer. And no matter how quickly you see each petitioner, there are not enough days in the week to keep the line moving and the scales of justice balanced.

"You will wear yourself away both you and the people that is with you," [Ex. 18:18] says Yitro. Moreover, he now understands why Moses rejected his family; at the very least he had no time for them! If he can only learn to delegate authority, not only will the national needs and justice be better served, but Moses can also have the requisite time for a family life. Thus Yitro advises Moses: "you must seek out - from amongst the people capable men, such as fear G-d, men of truth, hating unjust gain, and place such over them, to be rulers of thousands and rulers of hundred and rulers of fifties and rulers of tens and let them judge the people ..." [Ex. 18:21]

As a result of this pyramidic structure, no person in the nation is more than four steps away from Moses. "So Moses hearkened to the voice of his father-in-law, and did all that he said." [Ex. 18:23] He also, at least according to one view in the Midrash, took back his wife and children. Yitro, through patience and wisdom, removed the root cause of the marital problem and therefore the symptom disappeared automatically. At the same time he taught the first leader of the Jewish people the crucial lesson of delegation of authority - as well as involvement of many others in order to successfully implement the vision of a nation founded upon social justice and righteousness. In the process of Yitro's re-structuring, 78,600 additional Jews became involved in, and responsible for the administration of a proper judicial system!

And in addition to delaying your critique until you understand the root cause of the problem, Rashi (Rav Shlomo Yitzhak, 1040-1105) adds another dimension to our definition of constructive criticism. In his Biblical Commentary, Rashi refers to the Biblical segment of the advice of Yitro with the code words "You must seek out". [Ex. 18:21] However, these are not the opening words of Yitro’s advice; Yitro approaches his son-in-law with, "What you are doing is not good; you are going to wear yourself out." [Ex. 18:17, 18] Apparently Rashi is trying to teach us that it is no great accomplishment to point out the problem, to provide negative criticism; anyone can be a nay-sayer. The greatness of Yitro only begins when he provides a workable solution: "You must seek out...capable, G-d fearing men...as leaders..."

When I was in college, I had a friend who wrote excellent essays in our Writing Expression course - but I always had to provide him with a theme for an essay or short story. I met him many years later on a college campus, where he had recently received tenure. Since I was well aware of the University rule of "publish or perish", I could not resist asking him: "But who gives you your ideas now for the various articles you must publish?" "It's no problem", he smilingly replied. "I write criticisms of other people's articles and books." Criticism alone is not at all creative!