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Shabbat Shalom: Shabbat Shuvah and Yom Kippur
Efrat, Israel - As we come to
the climax of the Ten Days of Repentance, as the Sabbath of Repentance (Shabbat Shuvah) and the great
white fast Day of Atonement
draw near, - and if we, indeed take this period as seriously
as we ought, - the overwhelming question each of us must answer
for him/her self is: towards which category of transgression ought
we direct most of our energies of repentance? Should we concentrate on our failings in our relationship to G-d, to the
Synagogue, to the study of
Torah? Or should we look to the probity of our
business dealings, to the nature of our relationships with our friends
and neighbors?
I believe we can take our cue
from the Torah reading on Rosh Hashanah, the opening two days of the ten Days of Repentance. Since Rosh
Hashanah is the anniversary
of the Creation of the world and the birth of humanity
_ _today the world was conceived_ (hayom harat olam) _ we should
have expected the Torah reading to have begun with _In the beginning
G-d created the heaven and the earth&_ and to have continued with
_And G-d created the human being in His image&_ This would even have
perfectly fit in with the conclusion of the yearly cycle of Torah readings
(with some minor adjustment) _ and what could be more suitable than
beginning the New Year with the beginning of the Torah!
This logic notwithstanding, we
are ordained instead to read of the birth of
Isaac, the tension between Hagar and Sarah, the banishment of Ishmael,
and the dramatic binding of Isaac; in effect; we read of the development
of a family, albeit the original family of the Israelite nation.
Apparently our Sages are teaching us that G-d has given us _a groisse
velt mit kleine veltelach,_ a large world with small sub-worlds, and
each individual family must be seen as a world unto itself.
Furthermore, according to the
tradition of Beta Yisrael, Ethiopian Jewry from the tribe of Dan, Yom Kippur falls out on the tenth of
Tishrei because this is the
precise date when Joseph met his father Jacob after an estrangement _ or at the very least absence _ of twenty-two
years. Certainly both father
and son harbored resentments one for the other, Father Jacob couldn_t understand why Joseph _ certainly once
he had risen to pre-eminence
as the Grand Vizier of Egypt _ hadn_t thought to send
a message that he was alive and well to his grieving father; Joseph couldn_t
understand how such an intelligent patriarch could have managed the
family with such ineptitude. After all, Jacob openly demonstrated so much
favoritism towards the eldest son of his beloved Rachel that he sewed
the seeds of jealousy and thoughts of murder in the hearts of Joseph_s envious siblings. Nevertheless, father and son meet
together in heartfelt
rapprochement _ and serve as a symbol of and model for the rapprochement between our Parent _ in _ heaven and His
children on the Day of
Atonement (At-one-ment).
Furthermore, the third and
final blessing surrounding the recitation of the Shema each morning _ indeed the blessing of redemption,
ga_al yisrael (just before
the Amidah) _ declares that G-d is _the Master of your
nation and the powerful King who pleads their cause._ The text of the
Edot Mizrah Prayer Books adds the ending _in disputes between parents
and children,_ apparently a category of dispute which is most common
and most troubling.
Finally, the Mishnah teaches us
that Elijah the prophet, herald of the final redemption and hero of the haftarah of the Sabbath of
Repentance, will come neither
to establish proper tribal ancestry as a pre-condition for the renewal of the Temple Service and the allocation of
parcels of land in Israel,
nor to distance men of violence, nor to even bring back those who have wandered into far-away and foreign pastures,
but it is rather _to restore
the hearts of the parents to the children and the hearts
of the children to the parents._
What wells up from all of this
is that our most important, complex and potentially explosive relationship is the familial one and
especially the relationship
between parents and children. It is the relationship between husband and wife which provides the atmosphere in the
home, which teaches our
children what it means to work together and give to others.
It is our parents whose initial and consistent love give us our sense
of self-worth, the confidence which comes from the belief that we are
worthy of being loved, and the ability to love others. It is our parents
whose initial establishment of the limits to our actions, the boundaries
within which we may _ and beyond which we may not _ live our lives
teach us how to live in society and provides us with the discipline
and self-restraint which are so necessary if we are to become responsible
citizens and productive human beings. And it is the natural and
built-in tension between parents and children _ the need of children to
individuate, the desire of parents to dominate, - which trains us in the
act of compromise between our desire for self-expression and our obligation
to past and future. And of course it is the unique support system
which only a strong inter-generational relationship can provide _ for
both the older as well as the younger generation _ which guarantees a
bulwark of security in a world which always brings change and often brings
tragedy.
Is there a pat formula for a
successful family life? As a very young rabbi I thought I had all the answers, but as a much older
grandfather I am left with
many more questions. Nevertheless, I do believe that opening our Yom Kippur Prayer with Kol Nidre _ thereby
stressing the power of words
to establish reality _ teaches us the importance of developing
the art of communication, the necessity of expressing feelings
and emotions honestly but lovingly. And the fact that repentance
for Maimonides begins with confession of sin (his proof text is
the verse, _And they shall confess the sin which they committed,_ Laws
of Repentance 1,1) tells us that especially those we love, those to whom
we are closest, must hear from us that we are sorry for deeds committed
or omitted, that we were wrong when we said certain words which
we never should have said, which we didn_t really mean.
I can still feel the pain of
the father whom, while sitting in mourning for the tragic loss of his daughter, desperately asked me, _Do
you think she really knew how
much I appreciated and loved her _ even though I never told her so once she entered adolescence _ and often
criticized her._ I can still
hear the at-peace-ment of the spouse who had tirelessly
nursed her sick and difficult husband during the pain-ridden period
before his death, when she said, _It was all worth it when two days
before he died, he asked my forgiveness for specific incidents and omissions
during our married life._
True communication _ even and
especially within families _ requires sensitivity, time and great emotional energy. Especially
during this period of the
year it is of primary importance to reach out in love and contrition to those whom are closest to us _ to take nothing
_for granted,_ and to attempt
to express our innermost feelings. And when we bless
our children before the Yom Kippur fast begins, I believe it is proper
for parents to ask their children for forgiveness _ it is difficult
to be a parent, and it is difficult to be a child, at no matter what age.
Shabbat Shalom and Hag Sameach.
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