Question: In preparation for our upcoming wedding, we were
wondering about two specific things:
Must you have two separate wine goblets - one for kiddushin
and one for nissuin - or may you use one goblet for both?
May we honor two separate people for the first two
blessings of nisuin or must both blessings be given to one
individual?
Answer:
1) In Talmudic times there were two separate ceremonies:
first, the betrothal (kiddushin), wherein the groom gave the ring to
the bride and thereby accepted upon himself all the obligations of the
husband. One year later, after the husband had acquired or built a house,
there would be the second celebration, the marriage ceremony (nissuin),
when the husband and wife could live together as one. Evidently people found
it difficult to have a 12-month period of engagement with only the
obligations but without the privileges of living together, so during the
Gaonic period the two ceremonies were combined as one under the marriage
canopy (huppah). However, in order to stress the fact that
historically these were two separate ceremonies that took place during two
different periods, we use two separate goblets of wine, one for the kiddushin
and the other for the nissuin – and we make a break between them
through the reading of the Ketubah.
2) The truth is that it is certainly possible to give the
first two blessings of nissuin to two separate individuals. The
reason for the custom not to divide this is that since the first
blessing over the wine (bore peri hagefen) is not specifically a
wedding blessing but is rather a general introductory blessing to a mitzvah
which requires several blessing (such as kiddush, the circumcision ceremony
and the Pidyon Haben blessings), it is considered more of an honor when that
blessing over the wine is linked to another blessing specific to the wedding
ceremony (in this case, “she’hakol bara li’chvodo”). However,
it is far better to divide the first two blessing than to insult a guest who
would be disappointed were he not to receive a blessing.
