Ohr Torah Stone | Features | Newsletter December 2001

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OTS Newsletter- Winter 2001

COPING WITH THE LOSS OF A FRIEND

There's an unusual spot in the OTS Junior High School for Boys in Efrat where students can use or borrow an interesting assortment of items: gemaras and baseball equipment, religious texts and Harry Potter books. But most boys stop at the corner to gaze at the photo of Yaakov (Koby) Mandell that hangs above it, and remember the friend and schoolmate who was murdered by terrorists in May while hiking with a friend.

"Each and every person in our school was shaken by Koby's death," says principal Boaz Columbus. "Since then, the entire faculty and staff has been making every effort to help our students through the healing process."

Parents and teachers at the
OTS Junior High School in Efrat
give students an opportunity to
express their feelings in the wake
of the murder of their classmate,
Koby Mandell

Sadly, the teachers and counselors at two other Ohr Torah Stone schools are also helping young people cope with the loss of friends. Michal Raziel, who was about the enter the 11th grade at the Jennie Sapirstein High School for Girls in Ramot, Jerusalem, was killed in the Sbarro bombing in August. And Esther Alvan, a graduate of the Neveh Channah High School for Girls, was killed in a drive-by shooting just outside of Efrat in May.

Study and Sports

At the encouragement of their teachers, Koby Mandell's friends collected the items that the 14-year-old liked best and built Koby's Corner themselves, adding their own written tributes to him. In the months following the boy's death, the school organized a series of meetings where his 8th-grade classmates could talk about their feelings and their loss. "We all went to the cemetery together for Koby's unveiling, and held a special assembly in his memory, " Columbus recalls. "Later on, we organized a day-long event in Koby's memory that combined chavruta study and a sports tournament for three schools in the area. We hope to repeat this every year."

Although Koby's class has now graduated from the junior high school, his memory remains very much alive. A gemara shiur held in his name just celebrated the completion of a tractate. And Koby's friends maintain contact with the school and with each other as they plan a school-sponsored monthly outing for students to the Koby's favorite hiking spots.

Posters employing contemporary
slogans and songs illustrate
students' reaction to the
loss of their friends
- and their innocence:
"Protect the world, my child";
"Forever my brother,
we'll remember you forever";
"Goodbye, my friend"

"She Never Wanted to Call Attention to Herself"

At the time of Esther Alvan's death, she was completing her Sherut Leumi national service with children at risk in Ramle and Jaffa, and her fellow graduates from Neveh Channah's class of 1999 were serving in numerous Sherut Leumi and army locations across Israel. "We realized how important it was to contact them and help them organize an evening in Esther's memory where they could grieve together and honor their friend," recalls Sharon Brandt, who coordinates special programs at the high school. "This was really their only opportunity to unite as a group, confront their feelings and cry with one another."

Neveh Channah principal
Rabbi Avishai Milner
addresses friends and family
members of Esther Alvan, of blessed memory,
at the memorial service

Planning the memorial was difficult, her friends relate, because Esther was so modest that she would not have wanted to call attention to herself. After much discussion, the young women decided to plan a small intimate gathering. Over a month and a half, they worked to produce a film about Esther's life. "True to her nature, Esther appeared in very few photos," says Brandt. "So they called the movie 'Esther Disliked To Be Photographed.'"

Held in early September at the Efrat Community Center, the memorial service - quiet and dignified as Esther herself -- also included musical tributes and a talk by Rabbi Avishai Milner, one of Esther's teachers and principal of Neveh Channah. "Now we are helping Esther's friends prepare a book about her, based on the film," reports Brandt. "Many of these young women attend a shiur in Esther's memory, held every Rosh Chodesh at her parents' home and led by Reut Giat, her former dorm counselor at Neveh Channah.

"We're Experiencing This Together"

The Jennie Sapirstein High School for Girls, closed for summer vacation when Michal Raziel was killed, opened its doors from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. during the shiva period so staff members could support the 16-year-old friend's and classmates as they shared their grief. To mark the 30-day mourning period - still before school began - the students prepared and presented a psychodrama in school and produced a film about Michal that was screened at an evening organized by her family.

As the school year progresses, the teachers and counselors are emphasizing the power of healing through actions. The students have expressed their feelings in a notebook they presented to Michal's family, with plans to publish it as a book on the first anniversary of her death. Michal's classmates bring flowers to her mother every Friday. And the students have dedicated the school library's computer room to Michal, who loved computers and was always available to help everyone - teacher and student alike -- with technical problems.

The school's principal, teachers and counselors remain available day and night to help the girls talk through difficult issues that arise daily. "One girl came to me in tears the other day and apologized for having such a good time in her youth movement," reveals guidance counselor Ita Munitz. "She asked, 'How could I have forgotten about Michal for those minutes?'

"The girls have matured overnight. Their innocence is gone. But they know that they are not alone in their grief. We all loved Michal and we're experiencing this together."

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